CELEBRITY SCHADENFREUDE FILES™: Chef Gordon Ramsay Gets His Jerry Lee Lewis On

From the JohnEats.com Celebrity Schadenfreude Files™ (and the tipping power of K.A. Laity) comes one of the greatest headlines ever to grace the internets:

• "Celebrity Chef Gordon Ramsay Accidentally Burns His Genitals" [AHN]

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CELEBRITY SCHADENFREUDE FILES™: ASSHOLE WITH ASCOT NOW DIPSHIT WITH EXTREME MERCURY TOXICITY

Professional douchebag Jeremy Piven has pulled out of one-trick wordsmith David Mamet's "Speed the Plow" on Broadway due to alleged "extreme mercury toxicity" in his bloodstream, caused by, among other things, eating sushi "often twice a day."

What kind of a dumbass eats that much raw fish? The kind called Jeremy Piven, apparently.

• 'Extreme mercury toxicity' sidelines Piven [ChicagoBreakingNews.com]

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CELEBRITY SCHADENFREUDE FILES™: Britney at the VMAs

• Spears MTV Comeback Was "Embarrassment" [DigitalSpy]

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CELEBRITY SCHADENFREUDE FILES™

Who'll pay for the crimes of Paris, you ask? She will!

Friggin' AWESOME.

• Hilton Fortune To Go To Charity [BBC News]

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