Thursday, August 28, 2008

ADVENTURES IN THE DESIGN WORLD™: "You Have A Concrete Floor - I Have Solution"

We've discussed vehicle graphics before, but the above example re-sets the bar at an all-new dizzying height. First off, I would hate to be the poor sucker photographer who's forced to eke out a living by attempting to make concrete floors look appealing to people traveling 35mph and above -- altho judging by the ensuing quality of the images, those look a lot like Small Business CEO Photos™ to me ("Why pay a professional photographer when I can take my own shitty-looking flash photos with my iPhone for free? Wait, what do you mean they're too low-resolution to make any bigger than eight inches wide? Don't think you can sidestep me with all that techobabble mumbo-jumbo, you can do anything with computers these days, you little asshole!"). Then of course comes the racing stripes surrounding a checkerboard pattern, which does a great job of evoking the NASCAR® aesthetic without the pain and suffering of copyright infringement -- but what the fuck does it have to do with concrete floors? Oh, that's right: if you have a concrete floor problem (and I know most of the people who drive these days often do), you want it solved FAST.

Then, as always, we come to the typography. Arial Extra Bold all caps, is it not? Why bother with one of those pansy-ass fonts that don't automatically come with Windows when you can use the real deal - because if anyone knows beautiful typography, it's Microsoft! And yes, a thickly bold san serif is just SO readable in all caps from a distance -- the letter forms don't all just blur together or anything, no sir-ee.

And finally, there's the copy.
Let's see...does this mean the owner of the vehicle has in his or her possession a vial of some super-secret chemical substance that can fix whatever problems are inherent within concrete floors? There must be something automatically wrong with concrete floors, as it's implied here that the mere ownership of one must generate the need for a professional's intervention. Or maybe this headline was written by an eastern European who has some trouble picking up on the English language's use of the indefinite article, and no one bothered to proof the copy before it went to press (or in this case, the gerber cutter at the FastSigns® down the street).

Either way, we've got comedy gold here, folks.


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