Friday, November 03, 2006

ENTERTAINMENT DROPPINGS™: Alcoholic Anti-Semite Actor Helps Junkie Has-Been Rocker Widow

EDITOR'S NOTE: The following post is our first entry in the JohnEats.com Win A T-Shirt You Probably Won't Feel Comfortable Wearing In Public Contest. Instead of waiting until the end of the contest to publish the winning entry, every post-worthy entry received will be given its day in the sun here on JohnEats.com; it's just that special someone who will actually win the much coveted t-shirt. Enjoy.

Submitted by Michael Knight

Guess who's been sober for fifteen months? Well, judging by the handy SobrietyWatch™ ticker to the right we know it isn't world famous actor/director/Catholic Mel Gibson whose highly anticipated film Apocalypto is set to hit theaters next month. No, it was that other famous substance abuser/actress/singer/train-wreck, and now author, Courtney Love.

Trying to further hype up her highly anticipated memoir, Dirty Blonde: The Diaries of Courtney Love, Love confessed to the press that Gibson was responsible for helping her kick the habit. Apparently, Gibson mysteriously appeared at her hotel room while she was injecting some tasty drugs with several men. "Mel kept coming to the door with this cheesy grin going, `Hi!'" Love told the press. After repeatedly being told to "Go Blank Himself!," Gibson was able to help, getting a counselor to Love's room while he distracted the "several men" with the offer of free cheeseburgers.

As we all know Gibson himself was arrested for drunk bigotry several months after saving Love, so it appears that the blind CAN lead the blind. But wait: Doesn't this mean that the Bible is wrong! As Matthew 15:14 states:
Let them alone: they be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.

Clearly if Love stays sober, Gibson will have proved the Word of God to be fallible. Holy Chirst! My blind faith is quickly disintegrating! We can only hope that Love will soon fall back into the gutter and that the Holy Scripture will prevail.

I think a new SobrietyWatch™ ticker is in order.

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