Thursday, January 10, 2008

THE TOP 75 CELEBRITIES WHOSE EXISTENCE SO OFFENDS ME THAT JUST LOOKING AT A PICTURE OF THEM MAKES ME WANT TO COMMIT RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE™

#39: Chris Tucker


Why is it that every time I so much as hear someone use the term "Rush Hour" I start thinking about precariously lining up a set of 25 Precious Moments® collectors plates on the railing of a balcony at least thirty floors up in a densely populated downtown area, then systematically flicking them over the edge with my right index finger between 7am and 8am on a weekday? I'll tell you why: Chris Effing Tucker, that's why! The squeaky voice, the "slapstick", the mugging for the camera, it's all one complete package that causes me to consider walking around my neighborhood with a BB rifle and popping off some shots at people's porch lights at roughly 2:30am, late enough to not get noticed too easily and early enough that the loss of back porch illumination will only really be an inconvenience for about three hours or so!

Can I be the only one? Well, can I??

1 Comments:

Blogger The Queen said...

The only time Tucker's incredible screamy annoyingness paid off is in the movie 'The Fifth Elements': his godawfully girlie scream cracks me up every time. Heck, I'm a chick and I can't scream that girlie- I'd probably strain a testicle....

8:20 PM  

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