THE TOP 75 CELEBRITIES WHOSE EXISTENCE SO OFFENDS ME THAT JUST LOOKING AT A PICTURE OF THEM MAKES ME WANT TO COMMIT RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE™
#44: Nicolas Cage
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was in Raising Arizona. That's what everybody says whenever I mention that just seeing a picture of Nicolas Cage makes me want to walk up to the world's biggest shotglass collection with a bb gun and have at it. I mean, for every Raising Arizona, he's got at least one Face/Off. And don't even get me started about the whole Superman thing. And yes, Ivy, I know you think Adaptation was the best thing since sliced bread, but I'm sorry, it was as interesting as watching dust accumulate to me. And just because he did that movie, does that forgive him the entire National Treasure franchise? I think not. And it doesn't stop me from seeing his hair weave on tv and thinking that it would be really cathartic to walk into a shopping mall and methodically take an X-acto knife to every piece of leather furniture I see.
I would imagine I am alone in this. Can it be true?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was in Raising Arizona. That's what everybody says whenever I mention that just seeing a picture of Nicolas Cage makes me want to walk up to the world's biggest shotglass collection with a bb gun and have at it. I mean, for every Raising Arizona, he's got at least one Face/Off. And don't even get me started about the whole Superman thing. And yes, Ivy, I know you think Adaptation was the best thing since sliced bread, but I'm sorry, it was as interesting as watching dust accumulate to me. And just because he did that movie, does that forgive him the entire National Treasure franchise? I think not. And it doesn't stop me from seeing his hair weave on tv and thinking that it would be really cathartic to walk into a shopping mall and methodically take an X-acto knife to every piece of leather furniture I see.I would imagine I am alone in this. Can it be true?
posted by John Eats at 5:54 AM
2 Comments:
I, too, would be willing to forgive much on the basis of Raising Arizona, AKA one of the flat-out funniest movies in existence (I saw it in Burbank with a crowd that was mostly mute [no, not congenitally] while I doubled over with helpless laughter). There's Valley Girl, too, which is better than it ought to be. But I think it's time to face it -- they are the anomalies and the tripe is the true Cage. But leave the innocent furniture alone; instead rip that weave off his head, even if it takes both hands.
Thank you...I'm glad I'm not the only one.
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