THE TOP 75 CELEBRITIES WHOSE EXISTENCE SO OFFENDS ME THAT JUST LOOKING AT A PICTURE OF THEM MAKES ME WANT TO COMMIT RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE™
#45: Dane Cook
Maybe I'll get complaints that this guy isn't higher up on the list...I know there has been some controversy over my ranking sometimes. Because I know for sure that there are many others out there who, like me, feel like playing frisbee golf inside a china shop when they so much as look at a picture of Dane Cook. I don't give a damn how many MySpace friends he has, it's still a known fact that his existence is an abomination to the entertainment industry. I mean, not even putting Jessica Alba in Two Buck Chuck or whatever the hell it was called made it any more enjoyable for the American viewing public.
And if I ever were to see him make his annoying little hand gesture in person, I swear to god I'd find the nearest mail box, bust it open with a crowbar, and systematically tear every single envelope inside of it in half!!
Holla.
Maybe I'll get complaints that this guy isn't higher up on the list...I know there has been some controversy over my ranking sometimes. Because I know for sure that there are many others out there who, like me, feel like playing frisbee golf inside a china shop when they so much as look at a picture of Dane Cook. I don't give a damn how many MySpace friends he has, it's still a known fact that his existence is an abomination to the entertainment industry. I mean, not even putting Jessica Alba in Two Buck Chuck or whatever the hell it was called made it any more enjoyable for the American viewing public. And if I ever were to see him make his annoying little hand gesture in person, I swear to god I'd find the nearest mail box, bust it open with a crowbar, and systematically tear every single envelope inside of it in half!!
Holla.
posted by John Eats at 5:49 AM
2 Comments:
Well, this may not be fair (coming as it does from someone who was nearly driven to clubbing elderly people this week) but I would suggest the violence should be visited upon said person (and I use that term broadly) himself rather than innocent nearby objects. There is no excuse for the continued existence of this "comedian" who makes a mockery of the very idea of funny (is it wrong to expect a comedian to be funny?). At the very least that smug look should be permanently wiped off his kisser.
Why is he wearing a web-shooter?
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