Friday, September 14, 2007

THE TOP 75 CELEBRITIES WHOSE EXISTENCE SO OFFENDS ME THAT JUST LOOKING AT A PICTURE OF THEM MAKES ME WANT TO COMMIT RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCEā„¢

#52: Billy Bob Thornton

What is it about Billy Bob Thornton that makes me daydream about walking into a Best Buy and slashing all the flatscreen TVs with a pocketknife? Is it his greasy salt-n-pepa facial hair? Is it the company he keeps? Is it that fucking tie? Or is it the abuse of ALL CAPS ITALIC on his music web site?

Well, whatever it is, I know that just looking at a picture of him makes me want to walk into a McDonald's and methodically step on every single last paper soda cup in a way that makes a loud popping noise so that they have to order a whole new shipment of them.

I can't be alone in this, can I?

WELL, CAN I?!?

5 Comments:

Anonymous The Cheese Kurd said...

I hear you on this one

2:47 AM  
Blogger K. A. Laity said...

There's also that whole "coasting on the success of one film made a real long time ago" aspect as well. A long line of sucky films and bad music have followed -- nothing to support the status as celebrity.

11:02 AM  
Blogger Gene K. said...

Snarky and obvious comment regarding #52's Fashion Stinks t-shirt slogan:

It helps to wash your clothes once in a while, dingus.

9:14 PM  
Anonymous ivy said...

we may have seen all b.b. has to offer, but who can deny his incredible range? this is the man who carried sling blade, a simple plan, the man who wasn't there, and bad santa. only a jealous salt-n-pepa facial haired man would make such a petty remark.

after this countdown is completed, would you be so vulnerable as to make a list of maligned celebrities you don't mind?

2:03 AM  
Blogger John Eats said...

"incredible range." Uh-huh. I guess if by "incredible range" you mean "playing Billy Bob Thornton," then yeah, I'd agree. He's got the range of a Costner, for sure.

Only a true film geek would bust out the Sling Blade defense. Jesus H. Christ.

Just because you wear a vial of his blood around your neck, that doesn't mean you have to insult my facial hair.

8:40 AM  

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