Thursday, June 21, 2007

THE TOP 75 CELEBRITIES WHOSE EXISTENCE SO OFFENDS ME THAT JUST LOOKING AT A PICTURE OF THEM MAKES ME WANT TO COMMIT RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCEā„¢

#66: Kevin Spacey
Ok, I know this one's gonna get me some hate mail because I'm like the only person on Earth who's not a card-carrying member of the Cult of Spacey, so I figure I'd better give some solid explanations as to why just looking at a picture of him makes me want to smash glass over my head. It's not that I think he's a bad actor, he just always seems to play Himself (i.e. a prick). But the real moment I finally realized he made me want to throw firecrackers at gerbils was when I accidentally stumbled across this and just couldn't stop watching -- pretty much every move he made was like nails on a fricking chalkboard to me. I got angrier and angrier with each passing second. It was supposed to be a tribute to someone else and he made it the ultimate in "Look at ME!" moments. Then came his "mysterious" "mugging" in London a few years back, which obviously wasn't a blatant lie to cover up that a certain someone probably agreed to meet another someone (and by "another someone" I mean "a young boy") in a park at 4am to do "something" and it went wrong and so he had to come up with something better (and by "better" I mean "something that shifts blame onto the young boy so he doesn't get himself arrested or outed") than the truth to tell the press, although perhaps Spacey should be commended for setting the precedent that allows celebrities to use tripping over their dogs as an all-purpose cover story.

But these things are just icing on the cake really...with the Spacester it's really the whole package that makes me want to lob a grenade into a crowded zoo. Can I help it if I haven't succumbed to his impressive powers of mind control that have captivated the world? I mean, can I???

2 Comments:

Blogger K. A. Laity said...

I hate Kevin Spacey! He is one of those people I have a visceral dislike for -- like Richard Gere and Julia Roberts. Besides, Spacey is not only poisoning films here but theatre in Britain, too, since he's taken over the Old Vic. I want to slap his face every time I see it. Bleh.

8:58 AM  
Blogger John Eats said...

Anyone who sings "Mind Games" while rocking a tuck-in deserves to be slapped.

11:38 AM  

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