Wednesday, June 06, 2007

THE TOP 75 CELEBRITIES WHOSE EXISTENCE SO OFFENDS ME THAT JUST LOOKING AT A PICTURE OF THEM MAKES ME WANT TO COMMIT RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCEā„¢

#68: Ira Glass

Yeah, I know there's something wrong with me. As a college-educated, white, sorta-middle-class 30-something most people would consider "quirky", I am the demographic of This American Life. So why is it that listening (or watching) this beloved slice of heartstring-tugging Americana make me want to squeeze a goldfish until its head pops open like an overripe grape? It's because of Ira Frickin' Glass, that's why! Seriously, if anyone out there ever needs to torture me to get secret information, just lock me in a room with a tape loop of Ira Glass introducing himself from the beginning of one of his shows and I'll be singing like a bird before he says "I'm" the second time. Nails on a chalkboard, thy name is Ira Glass! I would gladly pull my own eardrums out of my head with a tweezers rather than have to listen to him ever again!! Jesus, just thinking about him is making me want to run outside and beat up bunny rabbits with a splintery two-by-four with a nail sticking out of it!!!

Is that so wrong? Well, is it?

4 Comments:

Anonymous "A" said...

What about Sarah Vowell? You're a big fan of hers, right? ;-)

2:04 PM  
Blogger John Eats said...

Don't worry, she's on the list. Ohhhh man, she is ON. THE. LIST.

4:10 PM  
Anonymous cheese kurd said...

couldn't agree more

10:00 PM  
Blogger K. A. Laity said...

So have you read the Atlantic's anti-quirky diatribe?

1:15 PM  

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