Tuesday, June 05, 2007


So I caught bits and pieces of the season premiere of Hell's Kitchen (Psychictoad's favorite reality show of 2006) last night and all I can say is it looks like another winner. As with all FOX reality shows, it concentrates on finding the biggest damned freaks possible to pad out the cast, and we've got some real winners this time. My three favorites so far:

Jen, the pastry chef from Hazelton, PA, is just on there because -- and I'm sorry to say this -- she appears somewhat developmentally disabled.

Eddie, the 28 year-old short order cook from Atlanta, is just on there because A) he's a SHORT short-order cook! Get It? B) he's got a little bit of the whole androgynous thing going on, which plays well with the FOX demographic of prudish Amerrikunfolk who can't stop obsessing about any sexuality that differs from the one their pastor tells them is correct C) he's a SHORT short-order cook!! Hot damn, that's HIGH-LARIOUS!! D) he's gonna drop something sharp that's too big for him to carry and E) he's SHORT!!! SHORT PEOPLE ARE FUNNY TO WATCH!!!

Aaron, the retirement home chef from Palos Verdes, CA is on there for a whole lotta reasons...for one, he's a retirement home chef, so everybody thinks he can only cook oatmeal or whatever. Also, he's big and fat. Oh, and he's asian. Dude, I totally forgot, he dressed like a cowboy for his first day there, so Chef Ramsay got to make a racial joke about not seeing an asian cowboy every day. OH YEAH, and he CRIED LIKE A BABY on the night of the restaurant's opening, which I'm sure will lead to any number of Brokeback jokes in today's online reviews. Not that I'm contributing one myself, I'm just pointing out that it will probably happen, because I'm above all that. Really.

I actually got fed up with counting how many times the word "fuck" can be bleeped so I stopped watching before anybody got eliminated. If any of these three got the chop I'm sorry I missed it, but there's always the 10 minute recap at the start of next week's episode to look forward to.


Blogger The Elusive Loo said...

American TV censors are pussies. We get the full on FUCK version in the UK and to be honest you become immune to it after a while. That beeping would annoy the hell out of me.

6:33 AM  
Blogger John Eats said...

Oh yeah, I totally agree with you. I've often thought American TV censors resembled small cats.

6:44 AM  
Blogger The Elusive Loo said...

Siamese or Persian?

5:03 AM  
Blogger John Eats said...

Tabby, actually.

6:30 AM  

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