Wednesday, May 30, 2007

THE TOP 75 CELEBRITIES WHOSE EXISTENCE SO OFFENDS ME THAT JUST LOOKING AT A PICTURE OF THEM MAKES ME WANT TO COMMIT RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCEā„¢

#69: Elijah Wood

When I walked out of the theater after watching The Fellowship of the Ring, I felt like driving a cement mixer through a densely-populated public playground -- and it wasn't because I thought the movie sucked. It was Elijah Wood's f*cking eyebrows!! Jesus H. Christmas, can that guy make any other facial expression other than "furrowed brow"? I never saw the other two LOTR movies, and you wanna know why? Because the thought of having to look at Elijah Wood worrying for another seventeen hours or whatever made me want to thrust a hot poker into my own chest!! And then this weekend I go see Paris, je t'aime and right smack dab in the middle I get five minutes of ELIJAH WOOD'S F*CKING WORRYWART EYEBROWS and I'm all like "Damn, I need to go hit a nun with a sledgehammer!!"

Is that so wrong?

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