Thursday, May 24, 2007

THE TOP 75 CELEBRITIES WHOSE EXISTENCE SO OFFENDS ME THAT JUST LOOKING AT A PICTURE OF THEM MAKES ME WANT TO COMMIT RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCEā„¢

#70: Wentworth Miller

Honestly, do I really need to explain this one? My reasons are many and varied. Currently one of the world's most-debated "is he or isn't he?" absolutely totally non-gay celebrities, my desire to throw bricks through the windows of churches whenever I see a picture of him has nothing whatsoever to do with this burning question. Rather, it has everything to do with the fact that, for one, dude's name is Wentworth. Okay? And for two, it's also because before he got his big Prison Break, he looked more than a little bit like Vanilla Ice. And for three, it has to do with the fact that every goddam time somebody sticks a camera in front of his face, he insists on squinting like he's either stumped by a math problem or having a bowel movement. So does it make a little more sense now?

Well, does it?

2 Comments:

Blogger :> said...

Never heard of the dude before, but I got two words for you: rough trade.

If not in reality, then certainly in about a million viewers' fantasies. He's definitely got that cloned gay stud look, which I have to say, has never appealed to me.

Throw over Wentie and bring me the sissy boys!

...Have I said too much? Again?

10:48 AM  
Anonymous "A" said...

From Wikipedia: "While at Princeton, he performed with the school's a cappella group, The Princeton Tigertones."

That's seals it. I am also offended.

11:31 AM  

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