Monday, May 07, 2007

FILMPHLEGMâ„¢: Spider-Man 3


So since the reviews haven't been so hot, I figured let's try to make the most of it and see Spider-Man 3 at the IMAX so that at least if it sucked the pictures would be real big. And everybody knows that big = awesome, so how could we go wrong? Yeah, except the only showing that wasn't sold out was 8am on Saturday morning, which meant my usual Friday night bender was gonna have to be cut a little short. So Anonymous A and I cabbed it down to Navy Pier at like 7am and man that guy drove fast. And we got there like 45 minutes before it was supposed to start and even tho they still supposedly had tickets available there was this big-ass line to get in. And we had to wait in line to pick up our will-call tickets and the woman in line in front of us tried to use the wrong credit card to pick her tickets up and was all up in the face of the woman selling tickets and we kept looking at the other ticket line that was moving and ours wasn't and then the line to get in started moving and we were all like "oh, sh*t" and then finally the woman got her husband over and he used his credit card and then they got their tickets and then we got ours and we were all like "whew" and then we went in and the theater was like barely half-full.

So we sit down and we're like dead center in the place and then we realize the rows are super-long and we're gonna have people walking in front of us the whole time and then they didn't turn on the ventilation system and we were all like "dude, can't breathe" and then right before it was gonna start these kids sit down next to us and one of them pulls out his phone and starts texting people and then there's this woman who keeps yelling at her family about food, like, "I'm-a get you some popcorn" and then the movie starts and she's all like "you sit still, don't hit your sister" and then the guy with the phone KEEPS TEXTING PEOPLE throughout the whole damn movie and then the woman with the family stands up at one point and starts rocking one of her kids to sleep right there in the row and I'm like "WTF?" and then the scene where Spider-Man tries to kill Sandman down in the subway starts and it takes like a full minute after he notices that water is turning Sandman into mud before he sorta kills him, right, so then he starts pulling that big water pipe apart and the rivets are popping out and water's going all over the place and then right before the big sploosh of water comes out the pipe this guy behind me says "WATER!" really loud and I'm like "holy sh*t, you did NOT just say that".

Then the credits start and like AS SOON AS THEY START they turn the music off and some kid has to announce that "FOR OUR SAFETY PLEASE EXIT AT THE TOP RIGHT" and then we're sitting there and the kid with the phone stands up and just stares at us and we're like "WTF" and he just keeps standing there and like the whole row behind him is standing there and they're facing the wrong way to get out of the place and then the kid with the phone still didn't say anything and finally I'm like "Do you wanna walk in front of us?" and he's like "thanks" and I'm like "WTF?!?" and then we get out and it's only like 10:30 and it's like "well now what do we do?" so we went to brunch and had to wait like twenty minutes. That movie was like two and a half hours long!

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