Tuesday, May 22, 2007

ADVENTURES IN THE DESIGN WORLD™: Bald Guyz™ Refreshing Head Wipes

On the way out of the local CVS pharmacy this weekend, Anonymous A's eagle eye spotted the above head-care product amongst the shampoos and conditioners. Of course, I had to get a photo, and upon further research I discovered that the Bald Guyz™ marketing team have taken a decidedly "Girls Gone Wild" approach to promoting their products -- in the above example, baby wipes repackaged as specially-formulated skin care for the discerning bald head.

However, it isn't the attempts at assigning bald men amped-up testosterone that really interests me here (although, let's face it, what bald man doesn't ooze pheromones like they were going out of style?), it's the personalized touch of including the names and occupations of the bald men who have been drafted in to pose for the pictures that pimp the products. I mean sure, we all know that firemen are super-sexxxy, and ergo experts at how to properly maintain one's bald pate so as to attract the honies. But will the fact that I know Shawn Wilson is a "researcher" actually influence whether or not I as a bald man choose to purchase this product? What does he "research"? Does he research proper bald head skin care, or is he just leading a study on how to properly get one's swerve on? Can I see some credentials, please?


Anonymous Head Bald Guy said...

I created Bald Guyz Head Wipes to remedy a problem faced by millions of men. Why not use real bald men instead of models on our packages? Isn't that what happens on the Wheeties box? Maybe you might be jealous because you have a head of hair and don't understand the plight of the bald man.The skin on the head is the same as the face and needs gentle care and protection.

9:56 PM  
Anonymous "A" said...

oh no...

8:35 AM  
Blogger John Eats said...

Dear Bald Head Guy:

1. If you're going to go through the trouble of using "real bald men," you might want to think about going through the trouble of hiring a "real photographer."

2. Yes, there are real live people on the covers of Wheaties boxes. But you know, even Mary Lou Retton's smile can look kinda fake sometimes.

3. I AM a bald man. Apparently your marketing doesn't sway every single member of your demographic. Sorry.

Signed John Eats.

10:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Were you high when you wrote this post? Why did you get so worked up on a product for bald men? Is it because the "Head Bald Guy" didn't select you as the real bald guy for the Head Wipes? If you go to the Bald Guyz Web site you can send in your pic for a chance to be on the cover just like anyone else. Its pretty lame of you to single out "Shawn Wilson the Researcher" just because he's ten times better looking than you. A more suitable target of your anger would be your parents for procreating a few decades ago.

1:14 AM  
Blogger John Eats said...

Dear Anonymous (or should I say "Shawn Wilson The Researcher Who Likes To Google Himself at Midnight on a Saturday"),

If you go back and re-read my allegedly crack-induced original post, did I mention one word about your level of attractiveness? I "singled you out" because A) you were one of a whole two people on the cover of the box, and B) your profession was listed as "Researcher," which was the real root of my little comedic hijinks -- I mean, come on, if you're gonna be a proud "researcher," at least describe the type of research...unless of course "researcher" is actually a euphemism for "unemployed." I mean, are you "researching" a cure for cancer, or are you "researching" your own hand/eye coordination in Halo 3 for the XBOX 360?

BTW, I don't give a rat's ass what you say about me, but as you've just been shown, it's quite possible to insult someone without actually dissing their parents. In your inevitable reply to this comment of mine (no doubt scheduled for next Saturday night, when your oh-so-attractive ass is set on the couch at home alone again with only your laptop and sixer of Corona to keep you company), please feel free to come up with something a tad more creative than "your parents were UGLY!" for your witty retort.


8:16 AM  

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