Thursday, April 26, 2007

FIERCEFILEā„¢: If You Don't Have A Friend In Here, Make All Purpose Cleaner Your Best Friend.

So we got another clip show this cycle, which didn't happen last cycle (probably due to the writer's strike)...the last time they did this, the clip show served as a big dollop of revisionist history to help everyone get on the side of the eventual winner (cycle 6's Danielle). While this time there didn't seem to be any overt attempts at tugging America's collective heartstrings towards any one particular model, if we go by a statistical approach (ie, the most new clips spotlighting a single model = eventual Top Model winner), then this cycle's winner could very easily be Natasha since she was the center of a lot of attention last night. I'm really hoping I'm wrong on this, because if anybody other than Dionne wins it'll be a crying shame since she's the only one left I can come close to tolerating.

Anyway, last night's recap episode pretty much focused on the following new material:

The "Impromptu" Fashion Show. Jesus, Mary & Joseph this was annoyingly scripted. Not only did it feel entirely unspontaneous, but it contained models in both black- and white-face makeup attempting to talk in stereotypical accents. It was ANTM meets Amos and Andy, and I couldn't wait for it to be over.

Renee & Natasha Clean The Bathroom. How come their bathroom sink is a british urinal? Man, that was disgusting...and is it just me, or did the penmanship on Renee's little sign look a little too much like one of the show's graphic design interns whipped that up after one of the writers came up with what it should say?

Dionne Bitches Out Renee & Brittany. A near-classic moment of Top Model tirading, which meant we got to watch it like fifteen times throughout the show. But that's okay, I laughed my ass off every time I heard Dionne say "bitch!" while getting all up in Renee's "bid-ness."

Models With Medical Emergencies. This is the one ANTM cliche we really haven't seen much of so far this cycle, so I was pleased to be able to watch Cassandra get frostbite (and then get eliminated that same day) as well as Natasha get a tooth pulled with an ordinary pair of pliers without the benefit of novocaine -- and then, of course, she had to hug the dentist because she's a sensitive mail-order bride.

That Jael is ka-WAY-zee!! Lots and lots of footage of Jael just being Jael: hula hooping, bumpin' and grindin' her blewish booty way too much at the Smart Water party, talking incoherently, and flipping out when she thinks somebody doesn't like her. America's Next Top Recovering Junkie!

Hip Hop Natasha Don't Stop. Watch as the funny Russian mail order bride grabs her crotch! Listen as she mispronounces the language of the hood! Scream as she commandeers yet another of the previously unseen scenes!

The Acting Class Panel Impersonations. Yet another opportunity for us to witness the mental ineptitude of Natasha, with her performing a godawful Tyra impression which made Tia Mowry do a bug-eyed take. I was disappointed that they opted for the "BOING!" sound effect for Tia's reaction shot rather than the "crickets chirping" one...far too obvious, guys.

So that's about's back to the outback next week for the second to last normal elimination. My money's on Brittany being dumped next (the emotional fallout from her terrible, brain stapling-impaired commercial shoot last week will finally take its toll), then Cha Cha the next week (she'll drag queen it up once too often for the judges) before we get to the Renee/Dionne/Natasha throwdown.


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