Thursday, March 22, 2007

FIERCEFILEā„¢: Strike A Poseur

Since this episode was all about voguing, I just have to embed the elephant in the room feel free to enjoy it before you read further.

Okay, now that that's over...First we got treated to some voguing in a park once the Top Model Hummerlimo was pulled over by ersatz traffic cop/Village Person "Benny Ninja", a man so un-policemanlike that only Natasha could have been taken in by his disguise. Best quote: "It's all about the shoes" as Benny ripped his pants while grabbing his ankle. But at least Felicia got a moment to shine during her swansong.

Where did Dionne come from all of a sudden? She was like a regular Henny Youngman last night, which meant that either she was about to become a front-runner or one of the bottom two, and we all know how that turned out.

Once we got to the Catherine Zeta-Jones-inspired laser challenge, we learned two very important lessons.

Lesson 1:

Never let'em see you sweat (man, couldn't they have CGI-ed Benny's pits?).

Lesson 2:

Even models can't make a thick silver polyester leotard look flattering.

Then onto the photoshoot...did anyone else think it was just a tad insensitive to do a "dead model" shoot the week after Jael's friend died of an overdose? It's not like she's had an easy time getting over it or anything. Between getting a disturbing faux-anime drawing from resident psychobitch Renee and then "accidentally" burning her face with a curling iron, I think it's safe to say that Jael did not have a very stable week; then of course it culminates in her having to play dead and somehow Jay Manuel had no knowledge of what happened to her? Doesn't he like, you know, watch the show?

Anyway, Felicia up n'died a death during her photoshoot, but I can not wait until next week when we get to read the contents of her crayon-scrawled "Felicia Mail"...I half expect it to consist of only one sentence: "NO BOYZ ALLOWED" with at least two letters written backwards.


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