Friday, January 26, 2007

FIRST CHURCH OF LATTER-DAY PHIL COLLINS ADVENTISTS™: A Lesson In Proper Diction With The One True Phil



AN ANALYSIS OF THE FLEXIBLE PRONUNCIATION OF THE WORD "YOU" IN THE ONE TRUE PHIL'S EASY LOVER

Sometimes mere attentiveness to the words of The One True Phil is just not enough; for The One True Phil imparts wisdom to His followers through more than just meaningful lyrics -- verily, He also offers believers messages via His pronunciation of those words as well.

As we will see, the word "YOU" receives no less than four different pronunciations in His 1985 duet with former EW&F frontman Philip Bailey. Each pronunciaton is meant to impart a slightly different message to His flock, which we shall endeavor to impart unto our readers thusly.

1. "...she'll get a hold on you, believe it."

Close to the common pronunciation of the word, this first instance of the word "you" presents one and all, believers and non-believers, with a simple, AOR-friendly message: "Beware of the Easy Lover, for she will occupy your thoughts day and night, not even a coffee break." A simple, broad message to all; a universal "you" representing the overall record-buying public.

2. "...she'll take your heart but jew won't feel it..."

With this subtle change, The One True Phil makes His first outright address to His brethren: "Verily I say unto thee, the Easy Lover may have enraptured you and stolen your feral longings, but those who listen to and believe in The One True Phil truly are chosen people."

3. "...before you know it, chew'll be on your knees."

Here The One True Phil implores His flock to reap the benefits of proper mastication, for proper chewing promotes a healthy digestive tract.

4. "...it's the only way jeux'll ever know."

Finally we are told that ultimately, by rejecting the Easy Lover, we forsake our Earthly trappings and become more French.

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We hope you have enjoyed today's lesson in diction with The One True Phil. Join us next week when we will further analyze Easy Lover, including The One True Phil's optional pronunciation of the letter "L" in the word "hold," and His subtle reference to Hinduism while pronouncing the word "try" as "chai".

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