Tuesday, November 07, 2006

JohnEats Vote 2006 Election Coverage

In a shocking example of shoot-yourself-in-the-footedness, Chicago-area intellectual news source, The RedEye, last week offered its readers a chance to ban their chosen annoying celebrity from the RedEye's back page, cleverly titled "Red Hot." The readers' choice by a landslide, K-Fed and Britney, or Brevin, if you will. However, as luck would have it, a new kind of stork has landed in the couple's quaint little trailer park, a divorce stork.

As reported today, Brevin has decided to separate their collective name back into K-fed and Britney. No one knows for sure when the two drifted apart but E!Online has set up a rough estimate for us:

...somewhere between the birth of the couple's second son on Sept. 12 and the release of Federline's debut album on Oct. 31, the relationship apparently went downhill...
We at JohnEats speculate that it was probably closer to the latter.

While rumors of a RedEye election recount are still in the air, the RedEye editorial staff is finding it hard to believe that 66.1% of the vote went to ending the reign of the white trash royalty on the back cover. A late night planning session has been planned for the crack news crew that has been a strong inspiration for the JohnEats staff.

Of course, there are plenty of pages left in the RedEye, including the coveted RedEye cover story which in the past has gone to such inspiring stories as Virgin Mary images miraculously appearing on urine-stained walls and jaw-dropping exposes on CTA trains running late. So while most newspapers are wasting time on cover stories about Election 2006, the tireless editors and writers of the RedEye are making Sophie's choice..."Britney is K-Fed up" or "Democrats in da House"


Blogger John Eats said...

Dude, you stole my story for the day! Now what am I gonna write about? I'll actually have to think in order to write something now. Thanks a lot.

5:22 AM  
Anonymous "A" said...


7:58 AM  
Anonymous eels said...

and the winner is... cover story top banner "K-FED-EXED!"


you can't keep the Red Eye down, man...

10:58 AM  
Blogger Psychictoad said...

ah, but open to the article (p. 66), my dear Eels..."K-Fed Up"...Psychictoad, not just a clever name.

Our legal team is investigating as we speak.

1:18 PM  

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