Thursday, November 16, 2006

FIERCEFILEā„¢: Short (Hair) People Got No Reason To Live

Apathy has truly set in amongst the America's Next Top Model community. Even the official website refuses to post updates anymore, so I don't even have new pictures to include here. But I'm a real trooper so I'll manage somehow.

We finally lost Jaeda last night. I'll miss her complaining about her short hair, her bitterness about her short hair, and her inability to adjust to her short hair. But mostly I'll miss her blaming everything on her short hair.

ANTM crossed a line last night with the whole acting class/therapy session thing. I mean, at first I was really enjoying clutching my stomach and squeezing my eyelids shut while each and every model, upon being told to come up onstage and express what they were feeling right now, proceeded to scream at the top of their lungs and cry about things like their hair being too short. But when CariDee got up there and kinda slipped in the little thing about wanting to kill herself, it made me realize I could only think about one thing: does this mean she's won the challenge? Oops, not so fast buster, she still had to compete against the other models in a silent movie challenge, and if nothing else has proven that the writers' strike has adversely effected this cycle of ANTM, this did. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT MOVIE ABOUT? A couple bites of lemon, a swig of prune juice, an intern dressed up like a bell boy, and some passing references to bestiality did not make the best setup for the trip to Barcelona, but there you go.

Proving that the judges don't give two shits about the personal lives of the models, they followed up their graduation day booting of Brooke by booting off Jaeda after she was forced to kiss a racist asshole Spanish male model. I guess they're just doing their part to teach the models some tough life lessons, but gee whiz guys. The commercial shoot was pretty uneventful except for the racist liplocking, but then right after they finished that segment and went to a commercial, they showed an english-language version of the same commercial! Madre de Dios!! Why the hell didn't they show them filming two separate versions of the commercial in the episode? Boy did I feel cheated. I guess they're leaving that for bonus footage on the DVD...oh wait, there hasn't been an ANTM DVD since cycle 1. What the crap?

So we're down to five: Melrose, CariDee, Eugena and the twins. I'm thinking the twins each get the axe over the next two weeks, how about you?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a feeling that Melrose actually spent the extra two hours that she purported to stay up practicing in front of the mirror, wide eyed, shocked smiling, one hand clutching bosom squealing: "me, ohmygod!" AKA her Winface.
Ice Cait

11:14 AM  
Blogger John Eats said...

She was either doing that or feverishly applying foundation to try to cover up her bazillion birthmarks.

Seriously, she's like some bizarre human/cheetah hybrid.

11:51 AM  

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