Thursday, November 09, 2006

FIERCEFILE™: It's Over, And She Didn't Even Have To Sing

The sledgehammer of caricaturization finally came down on Anchal with a bang last night as she faced yet another week of alienation, humiliation and shyness all stemming from her battle with four-egg omelets and Dreamsicles®. Yes, we got yet another week of everyone complaining about Anchal's weight, confidence and self-image issues, and can I just say: how the mighty have fallen.

But between the footage of Anchal's perpetual Elijah Wood Eyebrow Scrunching™ we got some decent challenges to wade through. Gabrielle "Just Do It®" Reece showed up to teach the models how to look fierce yet feminine while bumping a volleyball and chewing on sand. It was a pity there was no photographer there to add to the tension because those still frames of the models wincing just weren't the same without the dubbed-over camera shutter sound effect. And finally Jaeda got to show a little expertise in something other than bitching about her hair!

Then of course we were treated to the ever creepy James St. James (whose Nascar-inspired getup made him the spitting image of Doug McKenzie during the hockey scenes in Strange Brew -- except with a turban) and model/Nascar driver Stanton Barett who surprisingly seemed to have no problems touching each other. I'm sure thatwent over well in the red states!

Once again Anchal couldn't step up to the plate and Caridee went all-out, but Michelle ended up winning (even after stepping on the Nascar car in heels and denting the hood!) and I was all like "Whaaaaa..?"

And then that b*tch Melrose had to steal everybody's thunder by winning the $10,000 shoplifting spree. I mean really, what were the other models thinking? When the challenge is to pick up the most stuff you can in 30 seconds, you should actually try to pick some stuff up. Not that I enjoy having to give her any credit, but at least Melrose was smart enough to be greedy instead of choosy.

And then of course we get the wind tunnel photoshoot. One last chance for everyone to tell Anchal she looks fat in a leotard, another chance for Jaeda to look awkward because she's tall, and another chance for Caridee to take the best photo of the bunch.

The verb/adverb exercise was a stroke of genius, and we got to see just how grammatically inept Melrose really is since she interpreted her verb as a noun. Let's hope they don't ask the models to do a simile/metaphor exercise or they'll have to bust out the cricket sound effect. Caridee took the prize for her wacky slapstick, and once again Eugena got a faceful of "your face has no emotion" comments. But of course it came down to Anchal's hasty retreat after her failure to dance that led to her ultimate demise...

Six left. Can you stand the tension? Who do you think will win? Have you even read this far?

Bring on the cricket sound effect!


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