Tuesday, November 07, 2006

ENTERTAINMENT DROPPINGSā„¢: VH1's 100 Greatest Songs Of The '80s

Thanks to a tip from Shady, we'd like to draw your attention to yet another of VH1's pointless attempts to qualify and quantify pop music history. Their ongoing ranking series The Greatest recently debuted a five-episode countdown of The 100 Greatest Songs of the '80s. You can check out VH1's episode guide [1, 2, 3, 4, 5] or just get the whole list here.

As with all things VH1, this list was "scientifically" compiled through the use of an online poll of 44,000 crack-smoking VH1 viewers. And apparently there's a pretty large current and/or former mullet contingent among those 44,000 because the top five alone includes a staggering two faux metal bands: number one is Bon Jovi's "Livin' On A Prayer" and number two is Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar On Me." I'm sorry, but I've just never been able to accept the mainstream fame of the Bon Jovi (probably because they're French) so right there we've got a big mistake. But a post-armless drummer Def Leppard song? Man, at least go with something off of Pyromania for god's sake. And definitely not in the top five, people. At least we've got a classic that I think we can all agree on in the number 3 slot.

And poor little facially deconstructed Michael Jackson is relegated to the number 4 slot...how the mighty have fallen. Even five years ago he would have been number one. I can't argue with number 5's "When Doves Cry" by the artist formerly known as an artist and not a Vegas showman, but how much more appropriate would it have been if they'd picked El DeBarge's "Who's Johnny?" for this slot--then Number 5 truly would be alive.

And what's with that Hall & Oates choice at number 6? What abvout "Maneater," or "Kiss On My List," or even better -- something off of Big Bam Boom? That album was the sh*t back in the day. And I'm sorry, but ain't no way "Sweet Child of Mine" deserves a top 10 slot -- that should be "Welcome To The Jungle"'s slot for sure.

And what's with JohnEats.com perennial favorite Phil Collins only getting one song and wallowing in the depths at number 35?? Have we lost all our appreciation for stubby bald British white men in our society? Or did the Miami Vice remake forever tarnish the street cred of "In The Air Tonight" (more than the old Michelob commercial did)? Damn you, Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx!!

Obviously I could go on with this for days, but I'll just leave you with this oddity: how is it that Chaka Khan made the list with something other than "I Feel For You"? I think my head just exploded.


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