Thursday, October 12, 2006

FIERCEFILEā„¢: One With The Freaks

No, I'm not talking about that video with the jellyfish by The's time once again for a Top Model recap! Cycle 7 still hasn't quite picked up steam for me yet, but it's getting there as they keep piling on the classic ANTM elements of bitchiness and body image neuroses.

Now that Monique is gone there needed to be another axis of conflict, and the Melrose vs. Anchal subplot that had been quietly brewing is now out in the open. It's the perfect setup: Melrose the frontrunner needs to cut other people down to secure her own confidence, so she lashes out at her most obvious competition, the girl who eats too much yet the judges adore.

And what better subplot can you get for ANTM than a model who's willing to eat four eggs for breakfast and sucks down popsicles like water? It's no wonder that Anchal likes to stand with her arms covering her stomach.

The contortionist stuff was decent this week. The initial scene where the models were instructed by the contortionist and Canadian Top Model judge Stacey McKenzie (is she related to Bob and Doug?) was absolutely hilarious, if not just for the absolute creepiness of that Canadian woman. Man, she gave me the heebie-jeebies...she was such a big bowl of wrong you just couldn't take your eyes off her gigantic head whenever it appeared and filled up the entire tv screen.

This led nicely into this week's statue challenge, which gave us another car accident guest star: designer Bao Tranchi, whose lack of public speaking ability and obvious cosmetic surgery lit up the small screen in the short time she occupied it.

The visits from Twiggy and Tyra were both entertaining, with Twiggy bringing out the ass-kisser in Melrose something fierce, and Tyra temporarily turning ANTM into an episode of her talk show. I just love these heart to hearts that Tyra has with "her girls," they really show how much she thinks she's Oprah -- and how little like Oprah she really is.

But in the end it comes down to the circus freak photoshoot and everyone's favorite crazy-patterned tight long-sleeve tee-rocking art director, Jay Manuel. Jay's confidence-to-bitchiness ratio keeps increasing with each episode, and he managed to get something allegedly magical out of CariDee again this week -- the judges went ga-ga for her disturbing elephant trunk and antique car straddle.

Mark my words, people, we're looking at Anchal, Melrose and CariDee in the final three...just wait until the upcoming recap show where they suddenly pull out all kinds of impressive footage of CariDee that we haven't seen before, just like they did with Danielle last cycle.

Oh, and good riddance to Megg, by the way. No more underbite shots, "rawk" hand signs and donkey laughter makes John Eats a happy boy.


Anonymous "A" said...

My money is on A.J. Not as a winner, but as one of the final three.

10:31 AM  
Blogger Gene K. said...

I seem to have fallen into some crazy word zone ... this all LOOKED like English, but I can't understand a damned thing. The world of ANTM is one I have no desire to visit...

6:03 PM  

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