Thursday, October 19, 2006

FIERCEFILEā„¢: One Foot Out Of The Closet

It's Thursday, which means it's time for you to ignore this week's Top Model recap again!

This episode finally got me excited about this cycle of ANTM even as Anonymous A declared her disgust with it. This one reached new heights of absurdity: Michelle sort-of maybe came out, Mark Steines from Entertainment Tonight was this week's celebrity drop-in, Tyra got to stick in five minutes of talk show footage, and the models did a double-exposure photoshoot as celebrity couples! What's not to like?!?

Michelle's non-coming-out coming out was obviously the centerpiece of the episode. Unlike cycle 1 where the girls knew from the get-go that someone in their ranks was gay, this year we get someone boldly announcing "I'm not sure, I might be gay" at just about the halfway point, and it began to freak some models out just a tad. Unfortunately all the Bible-thumping models were eliminated during the first episode's naked photoshoot so there won't be any fire and brimstone confrontations. But at least there's a chance for some awkwardness which might be entertaining.

This heartfelt revelation led Tyra to come over to the house bright and early one morning (how creepy must it have been for them to find her actually sitting on their beds and waking them up?) for a little one-on-one talk show action. Any chance to make the models cry, I guess -- especially since Tyra herself revealed that just the night before she herself had spent two hours crying. Tyra, honey, maybe you wanna start thinking about some Paxil.

The poor man's John Tesh, Mark Steines arrived on the scene to give the girls a lesson in red carpet interviewing from the other end of the mic, and coached the girls as they tried to interview supermodel bitch par excellance Janice Dickinson. This led to some wacky scenes where Anchal revealed she has the microphone skills of Larry "Bud" Melman, and A.J. doomed herself with that stupid ratty-ass pink hat. I think if you'd rewatch her interview scene, you might actually hear a funeral bell tolling when Janice tells her to take off that stupid about foreshadowing.

And then of course there's the photoshoot. Jaeda proved herself worthy of her permanent slot in the bottom two by succeeding at humpin' around as Bobby Brown and then failing miserably as Whitney ironic that this episode aired on the day that Whitney finally filed for divorce.

Anchal yet again sort-of nailed her photoshoot, just enough to let them keep her in despite her complete incompetence with the interview challenge. I still don't see the resemblance to Oprah (I know Anchal's the only model close to zaftig in this cycle's stable, but it was still a bit of a stretch) and Tyra was absolutely right about the Steadman makeup being ridiculous. But at least Anchal proved she knows how to wave. And her "Oprah-and-donuts" comment went far towards revealing the depths of Anchal's unhealthy obsession with food.

Michelle got stuck as Ellen DeGeneres and Portia DeRossi -- gee, not at all contrived what with her wishy-washy bombshell of possibly maybe being gay or bi or something...can't you just feel that mid-season writer's strike mojo workin? The judges went ga-ga for it though, so we can look forward to lots more references to famous gay people by the end of this cycle.

And once again CariDee proves to be speaking softly and carrying a big stick with her admirable portrayal of Brangelina. I'm not even gonna give Melrose and Brooke (the two biggest winners of the celebrity photoshoot) any ink today for two reasons: A) they both bug the crap out of me and B) everybody knows America's Next Top Model isn't the girl who's got it from the get-go, it's the girl who rises up to get the "Most Improved" award. So there.

And so there we have it. A.J.'s gone and pretty quickly forgotten -- no more annoying faux rock-n-roll models! Next week's prediction: Anchal and Jaeda in the bottom two slots (they're the two least confident models left, and a third week in a row for Jaeda in the bottom two will spell her doom).


Blogger Psychictoad said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:00 PM  
Blogger Psychictoad said...

Props on the Larry "Bud" Mehlman reference. Let's take a moment to remember his meteoric rise to fame including his amazing video "The Couch Potato Workout" which inspired one reviewer to say of him, "He is one of the few comedians, like Bea Arthur, who can make you laugh with one small deadpan remark."

And let's face it we all have hoped and dreamed that we could one day--while standing in line at the grocery store to buy our adult diapers and chicken wings--see the BeaBud cover of People.

...hey someone had to respond to these ANTM posts for God's sake.

2:04 PM  
Anonymous "A" said...

I think A.J. is going to win.

4:32 PM  

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