SELF-ESTEEMWATCH™: Celebrity Impersonators

Whenever I'm feeling worthless I like to remind myself that no matter how little I mean to the world in the grand scheme of things, at least I don't work as a celebrity impersonator.

Seriously, these people pick me up as much as they depress me. You just know that they're waiting for their big break, for somebody to discover that they really have more talent than just the ability to look vaguely like Tom Cruise if the audience has at least six beers in them and wears glasses smudged with Vaseline. But if these people aren't good for anything else, they're at least good at giving me a false sense of superiority.

Who can look at the images above and not think:

• Is that really supposed to be Dean Martin, or is it just somebody's drunken uncle?


• That's not really supposed to be Oprah, is it? That's just The Chief from Where In The World Is Carmen San Diego, right?


• I never knew just how much Sean Connery looks like Kenny Rogers!


• Is that actually someone pretending to be Gwen Stefani, or is it just Tori Spelling on her way to a casting couch?

There, now I'm ready to greet the day.