Monday, August 28, 2006

ENTERTAINMENT DROPPINGS: Asshole With Ascot Accidentally Wins Award

Ascot-wearing celebrity asshole Jeremy Piven accidentally won an Emmy award Sunday night, giving him the opportunity to finally use the speech he'd been trying out in the bathroom mirror every day for the past month. "I have to make sure to just let my eyes well up a little when I do the dead father bit so that I don't accidentally poke myself in the chin as I kiss the Emmy before lifting it skyward, because with those tears in my eyes I could pretty easily miss and get an ow-ie," Piven told fellow asshole Billy Bush when interviewed on the red carpet Sunday evening before the Emmy award ceremony telecast.

Chicago residents can look forward to the 41 year-old Piven taking his Emmy out for frequent walks during his forays to entice female college freshmen to join him at his condo for an evening of sipping vodka Red Bulls and running their fingers through his hair weave.


Blogger Gene K. said...

I confess to having the Emmys® on in the background last night, and we happened to catch Master Piven's interview session with Billy Bush. Yeah, Master P was acting quite the ass, but I had simply assumed he was experiencing an acute case of Dear-Lord-In-Heaven-I'm-Stuck-Talking-

5:02 PM  
Blogger K. A. Laity said...

Christalmighty! He's not another Bush, is he? God, he was the WORST -- too smarmy for network celebrity vomit, really! Too smarmy for Entertainment Tonight -- that's, like, off the smarm meter. My soul is chilled just thinking of it. We were watching to see Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert! Why were we subject to this harm?

10:14 AM  
Blogger John Eats said...

Yes indeed, he is another Bush.

Obviously, you're not watching enough Access Hollywood. ;-)

10:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, why are you harshing so bad on Piven? You are confusing Piven for Ari Gold, are you?

4:30 PM  
Blogger John Eats said...

No, Anonymous, I am indeed "harshing so bad" on Piven, not Ari. How are you so confident that Piven is not what I say he is? Do you live in the same city as Piven? Are you Piven? After reading further, have you any doubt that Piven deserves the epithet I have bestowed upon him?

As Ari is want to say, "Hug this out, bitch."

5:06 PM  

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